Ever since she was born, she has never spent any nights without me, well, except for the time I travelled to Bangkok and Taipei last year. Oh yah, and one single night when she decided to sleep in my in-law's room.
But never has she spent the night away from home without me around her. It's her first and my first.
My PILs will usually spend the night at Bob's aunt's on Sundays so that they will not get in the way of the cleaning lady coming in every Monday morning. And since Tara need not attend school today, it just makes sense that Tara spend the night there with them, so that dear Daddy need not chauffeur the little one to Queenstown through the morning peak hour traffic.
Tara left for the aunt's place late morning yesterday. I went to give my sister support. She set up a stall at the carnival near her place to sell her masterpieces. I was occupied and didn't think much about my little girl.
I went home mid afternoon, did some laundry and started to think of her. But I still felt okay cos some Sunday afternoons, we have left Tara at the aunt's place too, so Bob and I can rest at home or catch up some overdue chores.
Bob left for a wedding dinner at 6 plus. That's where the thoughts crept in.
I wonder what my little girl is doing. I wonder if she can sleep well over there, whether she will cy for me. She usually slept through the night, so I thought will she wake up in the morning, realised she's in a different place, and start to cry for Mummy?
I contemplate on calling her. But I worried I will miss her even more when I hear her voice. Or she might cry when she hear mine? At about 8.30pm, I couldn't bear the quietness in the house and called. I deliberately chose this time, because Bob's niece and nephew would have left the aunt's place. They usually go there for dinner on Sundays.
Tara picked up the phone, and recognised my voice immediately when I said hello. I asked did she behave. She asked why I wasn't there. I told her she's sleeping over so I'm staying home. I told her to be good and don't cry in the night, she said okay. I told her I will pick her up on Monday and she said okay. Then silence. I said hello again, and I heard the phone clicked.
She hung up.
No crying.
Never wanting Mummy.
I was so sad. I thought my little girl would miss me, and want me but I was so wrong. A lot of people commented that my little girl is very attached to me, so I wonder how come there isn't any bawling when she knows Mummy is not going to sleep with her tonight.
I thought of calling her back.
But I thought, better not.
I'm worried I might just rush down to the aunt's place to pick my baby.
Bob sms-ed me at 10 plus, said he spoke to Tara. She didn't want to go home with Daddy. Bob came back at about 11 plus, I thought he might have brought back Tara but he didn't. He asked me how I feel. I said weird. Yeah, weird. Not hearing her voice and seeing her in the house. Then I asked why didn't he bring her back. Bob just gave me a reply "Kids who stick to mummy don't grow up".
I know there's a certain truth in this statement.
During bedtime, Bob said Tara wasn't around me when I was overseas either. But I told him it's different. I'm at home and everywhere I turned, I can see traces of my little girl. Her toys, her hanky on my dresser. Her clothes in the laudry basket. Her mess of colouring pencils.
Of course I will miss her!
The first few days Tara attended child care, one of the teachers said to me, it's usually the parents who cannot let go, not the children.
Tara was able to let go of Mummy. Mummy wasn't prepared to let go of Tara.
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