You are not focused

Wow, lately been hearing this sentence pretty often...

bob mentioned this a few weeks back, when i told him there's something which i wana do.. kel mentioned it a few times too.. well, i think i'm pretty focused.. i can be very focused in alot of things i do.. like daydreaming, shopping during a sale, just to name a few...

i know what they are trying to tell me, that i'm not focused in my work. yes, i agree.. but how to i stay focused? i'm scratching my head too... maybe the job too boring? hmmz.. i always blame it on my after-birth syndrome.. there's simply too many other things for me to think of, maybe that's why i can't be focused? i guess that's also one of the reason many women chose to give up their jobs (some high flying ones even) in order to focused on bringing up their child. most probably they are like me? cannot juggle work and family? that's why they made a choice to give up career instead.. i wouldn't say mine is a career, it's just a job i guess.. why won't i give up my job then? since i couldn't stay focused? well, lots of reason, my bills, my clothes, my cosmetics, my skin care, my salon visits, tara's clothes, tara's toys and lots of other stuff which i've been paying from my own pocket... will bob pay for them if i should decide to FOCUSED on the child? since obviously i can't do the same on my job...

bob said that i can choose to stay home after he cleared our reno loan... that's 1.5 years more to go.. but would my boss wait that long? would he be tolerant of a staff who can't focus on her job? especially the job is suppose to help bring up the sales turnover? i'm crossing my fingers.. i used really enjoyed working in this company.. because i felt there's no other company that operate this way... and this is the kind of company that suits my character..

but now things are different, someone knocked me on my head and said "hello? don't be so naive, ok?" well, i'm not naive... i may not open my eyes as big as the rest of the people, but doesn't mean i don't see certain things... i just don't like to work in a company where everyone is against someone or someone boycott someone else... i don't like this kind of conflict and that's why i close one eye on alot of things... i try not to think too much on alot of things.. like whether she's with him? and what is her motive of being nice to me? or why she wana care so much on whether i hit my target? she's not my direct superior but i really thought she's being concerned and being helpful.. and they said i'm naive..

yes, i may know alot of things now.. but i don't hate her.. i don't wana boycott her.. she's still a close friend and colleague to me... even though i hear nasty remarks from her.. i still don't hate her... but what they said are true, i should be careful when i'm with her.. so now i tried not to talk too much in front of her... but i feel pretty sad, she's such a nice friend.. of cause minus those dumb stuff that she did.. what does she see in him? she's such a smart girl and she shouldn't be with him.. there's no future with him.. and no happiness.. is it really the money and power factor that's why she wana be with him? if this is true, i really pity her...

well, back to my ability-to-focused... guess i better go to the library and borrow "A Dummy's Guide on How to Stay Focused!".. it's for my own good, i was told...