Very angry

I'm very angry with my MIL last night. She didn't secure the child-safe latch of the kitchen cabinet where the bowls and plates are kept. Tara ventured in, took a small glass bowl, and smashed it on the ground when she saw me walked towards her.

MIL admitted that she didn't secure the latch. She didn't say forget, she said she didn't latch, which leaves me wondering, does she think that all those child proofing devices are for show only? The sole purpose of me spending over $70 on all these devices is to ensure the safety of my child, my first priority! The thing that left me fuming mad was she actually reprimand Tara for being naughty! Hey! She left the latch loose and she's pushing the blame to an innocent little girl? If my little girl knows the danger of broken bowls and plates, I would not need to spend so much on those devices!

It's not the first time she didn't secure the latches, but I always quietly do it in front of her, just so she can catch the hint. Thing is, I don't talk a lot to my MIL, cos we can't communicate. Many a times, the things I said just don't register in her, so I gave up totally.

I can't imagine if I'm not fast enough to carry her away from those broken glass pieces, she would have start walking around and cut her soles! It's been years since I felt this kind of anger. I've managed to surpress my fiery temper all these while. But this is way too much, and thing is, I can't reprimand my MIL, no doubt she's not in my favourite persons list, it doesn't mean that I don't show her any respect, so I just kept quiet and swept the floor.

Bob knew I'm really pissed cos he saw me slamming the cabinet door. He told me to look after Tara and he took care of the mess. But my anger didn't subside and I actually took it out on Tara, poor Tara.

I brought her into the room with a basin of water to wash her, I let her held on to her PJ as usual, but she threw it into the basin! I snapped and smack her real hard on her thigh, shouted really loud: "MUMMY DON"T WANT YOU ALREADY!!", left her on the bedroom floor and stormed out. I threw the PJ into the laundry pail, saw my MIL wanted to get up and go into the room to attend to the wailing toddler. I'm glad she didn't, if not, it would have fueled the situation more.

When I changed Tara for bed, I noticed a big, angry, red patch on her thigh and immediately, my anger was replaced by guilt. I shouldn't have taken it out on the little girl, I felt really bad and kept massaging her thigh. I even admitted to Bob that I had hit her too hard, and Bob gave me a you-should-know-better kind of look.

It's self-anger-management for me all over again.